278. Hospitality and Self-Compassion: Key Ingredients in Her Success Recipe

At age 10, Deborah had her eye on New York Mets right-fielder Rusty Staub. She wanted to be a ballplayer, but when she heard that there are no girls in baseball, she set her sights on owning a restaurant.

Rusty Staub also owned some restaurants. She started learning about business on the day she got her driver’s license. At age 16, she went to work as a short order cook “in a charming restaurant called Lickity Split, an ice cream parlor that served great food. From the first moment of my first day of training, I knew I had serendipitously found the perfect career for me.” Later she enrolled in Cornell University’s prestigious School of Hotel Administration, ranked number one in the world by the Journal of Hospitality & Tourism Research.

The decision to leave the career of her childhood dreams, after successful years as a restaurateur, was monumental. “I realized that I couldn’t have a restaurant and hope for love in my life. In effect, the restaurant was my husband. The only time I could accept a date was on Monday evening, unless somebody called in sick. I was living a very full and incredibly satisfying life—but it was one-dimensional. I wanted to find balance in life. So, I decided at age 32, if I wanted to move on with my life, perhaps the best thing to do would be to just lock the door, and start the life that I wanted to explore. So, I locked the door, and that was my exit strategy.”

“Realize that if we’re not living to make ourselves happy, if we’re doing things just for the approval of others, then we’re missing out on a lot of life. Develop a growth mindset, as opposed to a fixed mindset. In other words, ask yourself, ‘What can I learn? How can I be better? How can I learn from this?’ Start leaning into the fear instead of running away from challenges. I think that’s a big part of a growth mindset.”

1. Stop living for the approval of others and focus on your own happiness.

2. Develop a growth mindset, not a static, fixed mindset.

3. Celebrate your daily successes, large and small.

4. Practice self-compassion and don’t take yourself too seriously.

Positively Outrageous Service, by T. Scott Gross

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, by Brené Brown

The 5 Choices: The Path to Extraordinary Productivity by Kory Kogon, Adam Merrill, and Leena Rinne