378. A Glimpse of Joy at an Unlikely Time

“I grew up moving all the time. I was an urban gypsy of sorts Every three or four years my family would relocate. My father was an attorney who got bored quickly, so he would change jobs and we would uproot and move. I got used to a very fast-paced life, always starting over again. It led me down a path of extraversion and flexibility about defining who I was and what would help me transition most easily.”

Accustomed to competitive schools like Philips Exeter Academy, Yale and the University of Virginia Law School, Caroline was adept at figuring out what was expected of her in many situations, but had never learned how to listen to her own inner voice, much less understand it and act on its guidance. On a maternity leave from her law firm, “I had one of the hardest seasons of my life: early onset depression. I started to experience depression while I was pregnant with my second daughter. I knew about postpartum depression but didn’t realize you could experience its symptoms while you were pregnant.” In the midst of the depression, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, which gave her a vision of how she could have a life of authentic joy. “It laid the foundation for everything that was to come later.”

“We are not taught in our culture to value our inner voices. In fact, many of us don’t even know we have them! No one had ever told me that my inner self has many parts that manifest in voices—different parts of self that express desires, wishes, fears. When I first experienced this, I wondered if I might be going insane! I learned this is totally normal. Underneath all the clamor and white noise, we actually have a well of deep wisdom, deep knowledge and deep intuition, that truly wants to guide us into joy.”

1. Start by paying attention to the flow of your self-talk. What are you telling yourself about yourself all the time?

2. Allow yourself time to step back from the pressures to achieve, perform and excel and think about what really matters to you.

3. Recognize that you are more than the choices that you make, and more than what you do in the world.

4. Take the time to see that you are a worthy human being just for being you.